Pasko Na, Sinta Ko

It's that time of the year again.. Christmas time. Something's different this year. I don't feel the Christmas spirit. I really haven't been in the Christmas spirit for the past two years. Last year, it was because my family and I were in the Philippines.  This year, it's because my Dad's in the Philippines. Something about the Philippines, I guess.. Since my Dad's going to be in the Philippines this Christmas, this also means that he's not going to be here for my birthday - a week after Christmas. This Christmas won't be the same. First Christmas.. First holiday.. First New Years.. First birthday.. Without the whole family.

I don't know... I know the true reason for Christmas - Jesus' birth. It shouldn't be about me and my happiness, right? My main focus should be on CHRIST.. Not me. But it's hard. For months now, my relationship with God has been drifting. As being a Christian since birth and being raised up in a church, it's easier for me to fall than someone who just found Christ, in my opinion. I know that this is the main reason on why I've been feeling depressed lately. Problems come, constantly, and it feels like I'm trying to get through it alone - on my own strength. It shouldn't be that way. I know that HE will always be there for me, but before I go to him, I feel like I need to get my heart straight first. I know, sooner or later, I'll go back to him.. But I don't feel like the right time is now.

Christmas was my favorite time of the year. But drifting away from Christ, not having my Dad here, and constantly having someone in my mind.. It's hard to have the Christmas spirit. Hopefully next Christmas will be a better one for me.

Pasko na, sinta ko

Hanap-hanap kita

Bakit magtatampo

Nilisan ako

Kung mawawala ka

Sa piling ko, sinta

Paano ang Pasko

Inulila mo

Sayang sinta ang sinumpaan

At patitinginang tunay

Nais mo bang kalimutang ganap

Ang ating suyuan at galak

Kung mawawala ka

Sa piling ko, sinta

Paano ang Pasko

Alay ko sa'yo