Temporary

Since people have been telling me to stop posting crap on facebook.. Time to start blogging.




It's been four months.. Four months of not being myself. Four months of trying to hide what I'm really feeling inside. It's been four months of trying to go through this rough transition.. alone. To me, it feels like everything has just been going wrong.


I found out about three months ago that my Dad is going to live in the Philippines.. Permanently. See, my Dad has been traveling back and forth from LA to Manila for the past three years. I was okay with that because he would at least be with the rest of the family and me for about a month at a time then go back to Manila to work. One night, when my siblings and I picked up our mom at the airport, we went out for dinner and she broke the news to us that he's not going to live with us here. So now, it'd be her that's going to be traveling back and forth from LA to Manila. I remember that night when she told us.. I remember going to straight to my bed - crying. It's crazy.. Coming from a life where I've always lived with both my parents to now having a parent living thousands of miles away from you. See, my Dad and I shared something really special. If you know who I am, you'd know that I eat, sleep, and breathe music. I am proud to say that I get that from my Dad. To me, he's the best musician I know. It's a good feeling whenever we would jam together. It's fun when I play with other people, but it doesn't give me that same feeling as to when I'm playing with my Dad. Music is something that brings us closer. He's my inspiration to music.. He's always been.


Ever since I got back from the Philippines in August, I feel like my relationship with my best friends have been fading. Even though my best friend since third grade lives like five minutes away from me we haven't seen each other or hung out with each other in a long time. Last time we hung out was two months ago. Oh well, I know she's that one best friend that I'll always have. Even if we haven't talked to each other in a while, we still have that title as being best friends/cousins. I just wished we talked and saw each other more often.


I'm going to try to keep this anonymous so.. How come you've been giving me attitude lately? We've been best friends for three years. Not ONCE have you acted like this to me. Yes, I can't make it to your shows and I'm sorry for that. But you have to understand that I can't get away from doing just so that I can see your show. Like family events. You don't have to give me attitude every time I can't go. I don't give you attitude whenever you don't show up to my gigs. At least I say that I can't go to your thing BEFORE it starts. You just tell me that you'll try to be there. So, I wait.. Then end up getting disappointed cause you don't show up. Don't you think I should be the one giving attitude? Not the other way around? Hah, maybe I should.. But you know what? I don't. Cause I love you too much. I know it'll hurt our relationship even more.. We don't need anymore crap.


Excluding two days ago, we haven't seen each other or talked to each other in forever. I miss how we used to be. We used to call each other everyday after school to see how our days were. We used to tell each other everything. What happened to that? I miss you. I miss us. Why do you have to live in Long Beach? Why can't you drive? Why do you have to go to a different church? How come we can't see each other as much as we want to? Asdjfkl. You dedicated "Come What May" by The Scene Aesthetic to me like two years ago. When I brought it up during summer, you told me you forgot about the whole thing. WhatASlapInMyFreakinFace. Thanks, Bestfriend.


Then there's YOU. Time flies so fast. It's only been 7 months that we started getting close. I feel like I've known you my whole life already. You know everything there is to know about me. No one knows as much as you do. Seven months.. Three months of my happiness. Four months of .. It's funny how I used to put so much effort before. It got me nowhere. It caused us to fight, like every time we'd talk. I'm sorry. I love spending time with you, but that rarely happens nowadays. We used to talk on the phone every night. Every night of summer. Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder. And I said. Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors. I don't wanna ever love another. You'll always be my thunder. I wish you can see what I've been going through. I haven't told you everything on why I've been feeling like this. I don't know how to tell you. So I've been trying to hide it from you. I want to relive summer. But life goes on.. I really miss how we used to be. Before August hit. At least you got something there for you. I've got nothing. Hah. Well, even though this means I'm sad inside, I'm truly happy that you're happy. Not like the person I used to know before - you used to complain about your life.. A lot. Just saying. Winter Break is now here. We're getting better, right? Well, we're getting there. It's not going to be completely the same anymore.. But we're getting better. Well I'm still here, I never left. You're my #1 best friend. I'll just deal with being your #2.


Like fire and rain. You can drive me insane. But I can't stay mad at you for anything. We're Venus and Mars. We're like different stars. But you're the harmony to every song I sing. And I wouldn't change a thing.